When word came down last week that the director of the original Buffy the Vampire Slayermovie, Fran Rubel Kuzui, was working on a reboot/relaunch film sans Joss Whedon my first reaction was shock. Dismay, disgust and revulsion soon followed. But eventually I started to think about what would actually get me to watch the proposed film and I came up with this list.

• Hire adecent director. Pretty much it should be someone out of the following list: Guillermo del Toro, Alfonso Cuarón, J.J. Abrams, Jon Favreau, Bryan Singer, Sam Raimi, or Darren Aronofsky. Or if they don't want to go with an A lister give a talented young director a shot at a big franchise. Give me a Pierre Morel, a Rian Johnson, a Nicolas Winding Refn, or even a Neil Marshall. I'd even take an unexpected choice like David Gordon Green. Just get someone who could maybe do agood job. Take a run at Tim Minear, he knows the universe and should be decent. Just no hacks please.
• If during the first part of the movie Buffy wants to kill a family of vampires named the "Kullens" or just an obnoxious pretty boy named "Tedward" or something, that'd just be peachy.
• Cast someone as Buffy who can maybe act a little bit. I like looking at Megan Fox as much as the next guy, but I wouldn't exactly call her a great actress. So let's try to avoid the eye candy that doesn't have a lick of natural talent, ok?
• Have you thought about giving Buffy a British watcher? I think it'd be a good idea. I even have the perfect casting choice. How about this guy. Or this one. I guess if you really want to go in a different direction you could hire this guyas more of a badass tough guy watcher.
• Actually make the villain frightening, and threatening. Basically the opposite of Lothos from the original film. Basically they need to create the Joker of the Buffy universe, without just stealing the best villains from the series (I'm looking at you Angelus and Spike).
• Before writing the movie watch the Underworld movies, Twilight, the Blade movies, True Blood, and any other recent portrayals of vampires. Make sure that your vampires are different from all of these, but still follow the same basic rules. In other words, killed by stake, sunlight, decapitation. Need to be invited in. Fangs, drink blood. Know your rules and stick with them. No shiny vampires please.
• Make the tone wildly different from the series. Don't even try for the comedic moments that were the hallmark of the series. It'll never be as good, and will just make people think that the film is a second rate knockoff (which it is, but you don't have to play that up).
• Have you thought about an R rating? I know that you probably think that this is a franchise for kids, but nothing would say that you're taking it in a new, darker direction than going right for the R rating. I doubt you'll go for this, but you should think about it.
• Change the name. Don't even call it Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Just call it Slayerand give us a brand new character in the same universe. The existing fanbase would be much more willing to go along with this idea, than the idea of rebooting the character they know and love. Having the Buffy name won't do you much good if you alienate the core fanbase. It doesn't have enough positive name recognition to make it without them.
• Two words: Hire Joss.