A few weeks ago one of my co-workers set me up on a blind date with her sister. Everything seemed to go well. No awkward lulls in the conversation or anything, so the next day at work I asked my co-worker what her sister thought. What she said was this, "She thought you were really, really nice and everything, but she said that you've got to be gay." (Let me put in the obligatory, Not that there's anything wrong with that.) I'm somewhat of an expert in being rejected. It tends to happen virtually all of the time. But it's never happened exactly this way before. What exactly does this mean? Do I need to be meaner or something? It doesn't really bother me that much to have someone think that I'm gay, but it does bother me that I can't really tell why. So that's a conundrum.

In watching Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog (Part 2 is up today, go watch it!) I've realized something. Even though in most stories you're supposed to identify with the hero, I much more often find myself drawn to the villain. They're just somehow more human, more me. They fall victim to their weaknesses. Are defined by them. Instead of being the perfect paragon of human virtue, they're the avatar of human weakness. Which is much closer to what I am. I don't have the strength and confidence of someone like Captain Hammer (or the arrogance, or the cheesiness) but I do have the self doubt of Dr. Horrible, or his snarkiness.

Even the heroes that I can identify with seem to have these same characteristics. Hellboy generally does the right thing, but he also gets jealous, possessive, and argumentative. Spike, from the Buffyverse, was an evil, evil man that only changed because of a woman. But he's always been just a failed romantic. A horrible, selfish man that always falls victim to his impulses, and a terrible poet. Batman didn't really become interesting until I read The Dark Knight Returns and could see him give into his vigilante side. They're all defined, not by their strengths, which are numerous, but by their weaknesses.

I think this is much how I define myself. I can't see anything that'd be a good point. Only the things like the paranoia, the tendency to give up and the social ineptitude. I'm sure that there are plenty of good points in there somewhere, but they don't mean much.

So maybe I should come up with some sort of crazy costume, and a ridiculous plan to take over the world (possibly involving bluetooth earpieces and pigeons- it's just an idea, not like I've starting working on it- what do you mean you can see that?- just ignore that, it's nothing!). The only thing I'll need is some sort of wicked name. So if you have any ideas for my evil reign of evil villainitude, I'd appreciate the feedback.

I was having a conversation with one of the individuals at my work this week that really made me think. He's planting a garden outside of his apartment and was telling me what he wanted to grow. He was going to plant some flowers, some vegetables and some various other things. Among them a banana. He's absolutely convinced that if he plants a banana in the ground and waters it occasionally that he'll grow a banana tree (really a bush....but that's another thing entirely) and can just go outside and pick bananas off it anytime he wants. The thing is that I wish I could still think something like that.

It seems that in the process of growing up that we lose the ability to hope for something or believe that something will happen that's completely unrealistic. To dream big dreams, or have grand ideas. To know that anything could happen if we just wanted it bad enough.

For example, when I was a small child I used to think that when I grew up I would be a donkey farmer, a bookseller and the governor of South Dakota. I'd be all three of these things at once. I'm not entirely sure why I wanted to be a donkey farmer (I was quite the odd child), but I loved books (and still do) and had an odd interest in politics even then. I don't know that I realized that these were just completely crazy goals. Or when I finally gave up on them.

But I wish now that I hadn't. There's something powerful about that kind of hope. Even if it's for something small. The world is somehow a more magical place when you honestly believe that anything can happen. I think that maybe all of us feel that loss at least a little bit. And that's why we try to escape into other world, where dreams really do come true. It's life affirming in a way.

I know that I've lowered my sights, and stopped trying to live my dreams. To the point where I've just accepted disappointment time and again. But I don't think the disappointment is actually the problem. It's the acceptance. So I think I'm going to stop accepting it and dreaming big again. Sometime in the next week I'm going to try something that seems completely crazy. To try and live life the way I wish it could be instead of the way it is. To embrace that childlike hope that I've lost. And I want to encourage all of you to do the same. Be impulsive, be brave, be hopeful and have fun! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a banana that needs planting.

Matt Bezzant

Governor of South Dakota