It's entirely possible that I'm not entirely human.  I'm not saying that I'm some sort of horrible creature out of myth and legend, but merely that there's some non-human DNA in the mix somewhere.  It's the only explanation for the seemingly lack of connection between myself and the rest of the human race.  That, and the inexplicably large amounts of hair that seem to cover my entire body.  Let's face it, I'm a hairy, hairy, not entirely humanlike creature.

I've anticipated your argument, so let me just get it out of the way, and refute it before it even comes out.  First you're going to tell me that there's no such thing as werewolves, or other non-human creatures.  Which on the surface is an entirely reasonable assumption to make.  Pity that it's entirely wrong, and not exactly pertinent to the issue at hand.  Just because you've never seen a non-human doesn't mean that they don't exist, just that you don't have first hand knowledge of their existence.  I'd say that it's a fair bet to assume that most of you believe in the existence of beings of which you have no first hand knowledge (aliens, vampires, God or what have you).  And I never claimed to be fully non-human did I?  It's completely logical to assume that at some past date non-huimans interbred with the standard human stock, incorporating their DNA into the gene pool, eventually ceasing to exist as a completely separate species.

My theory is sounding a little more plausible, isn't it?  You're finding yourself starting to wonder if maybe I'm on to something?  I thought so.  I'll just continue then.

If we assume that certain of my unusual attributes are the result of latent non-human genes at work (namely a certain unease in human company, extremely large stature,  copius amounts of body and facial hair and a Wolverine like healing factor), then the question is that of determining the source of said attributes.

Upon careful examination of the information at my disposal, the nearest determination I can make is that I'm a berserker.

A berserker, you say?  What's a berserker?

I'm glad you asked.  A berserker is a mythical Norse warrior who, when in battle, would go into an uncontrollable rage, becoming nearly impossible to kill, and occasionally transforming into an animal (much like a werebeast, or a skin walker), usually a wolf or bear.

I know, you're saying, "but weren't beserkers just normal warriors who ingested some sort of psychoactive substance, which let them push past normal human limits of pain, and sanity?"

That's an excellent question, even if it is based on a false premise.  The idea that the berserkers were just normal human beings who'd ingested some sort of "magic mushrooms" or something is just a theory posited by modern scientists that are completely unwilling to accept the simple truth of the original legends.  The idea of the unstoppable man-beast of the north is so far out of their experience that they had to make up a story to make it conform to their world view.  It's a total fallacy, but one that's understandable from their point of view.  It's just a shame that those with closed minds have managed to convince everyone else of their lies.

Let's just look at the evidence present in my own case.  Huge.....check, extremely hairy.....check, occasional bouts of uncontrollable anger.....check (but I'm getting better about it), confirmed Scandinavian heritage.....check, ridiculous healing speed.....check, not fitting in amongst normal humans (hereafter norms).....check.  Throw some animal skins on my back, and a iron hand to hand weapon in my hand and you've got pretty much everything you need to say that I'm a berserker.  It's a logical conclusion.  Either that or I'm just weirder than the norms.

Last month the eighth season of Scrubs wrapped up.  Even though the show is coming back next season, it won't really be the same show.  Many of the major characters (including Zach Braff's JD, and Sarah Chalke's Elliot) won't be regulars, and even the setting may change.  The creator of the show, Bill Lawrence, says to think of season nine less as Scrubs and more as a spinoff (like the Fraiser to Scrubs' Cheers).  So I like to think that the show ended with this clip, showing what JD imagines the future holds for him and his friends.  It's a beautiful, sweet, ending that really wraps up the show in the perfect way.  But I didn't really want to make a post just about the end of Scrubs.  It's a great show, and one that I'll miss, but this specific clip really hit me on a more personally emotional level.

I've written beforeabout how I look at the JD/Elliot relationship on the show as sort of an example, or as something that I'd like to have.  That they're always there for each other, regardless of whatever else might be going on.  Being a romantic deep down inside, there isn't anything more appealing to me than seeing their relationship play out in JD's fantasy at the end of the show.  Seeing them happy and together through the big touchstone moments of their lives, and in the small moments in between is just great, and perfect for them.

But it can't help but make me feel a little bit sad.  I see the characters together and happy, and even though I realize that they aren't real, it makes me jealous.  I want what they have.  I want to have those moments, that joy that they seem to be having.  But I'm not sure that I ever will.  It seems to be fairly unlikely.

Just last week my nephew told me that I need to have some kids so that there can be some more Bezzants.  I didn't know what to say to him at first.  I didn't want to just make a joke about it, or just out and out lie to him, so my solution was to be as honest as I could be.  I just said to him that I doubt that that'll ever happen.  But I couldn't say why when he asked.  I'm not sure I could answer that question at all.  I don't know why exactly.  Just that judging from past experience, and total lack of progress, that I don't see it happening.

There's just some sort of mental block that keeps me from doing anything.  I don't know what to call it.  Fear? Some sort of anxiety disorder? Something on the low end of the autism spectrum? I've considered all of them, but don't know what it is exactly.  Just that I know that it's in the way, and I can't ever seem to permanently beat it.  Even the times when I seem to overcome it for a while don't last, because I just don't know what to do.

So I guess that I'll just have to keep living vicariously through fake people.  Fun.  Constantly being the odd number in a group sucks.  End of emo rantings.  Return to your regularly scheduled program.