VOTW: Muppets' Bohemian Rhapsody
Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 02:35AM Hi-frickin'-larious. No need to say more.
Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 02:35AM Hi-frickin'-larious. No need to say more.
Friday, August 21, 2009 at 11:36PM
It's entirely possible that I'm not entirely human. I'm not saying that I'm some sort of horrible creature out of myth and legend, but merely that there's some non-human DNA in the mix somewhere. It's the only explanation for the seemingly lack of connection between myself and the rest of the human race. That, and the inexplicably large amounts of hair that seem to cover my entire body. Let's face it, I'm a hairy, hairy, not entirely humanlike creature.
I've anticipated your argument, so let me just get it out of the way, and refute it before it even comes out. First you're going to tell me that there's no such thing as werewolves, or other non-human creatures. Which on the surface is an entirely reasonable assumption to make. Pity that it's entirely wrong, and not exactly pertinent to the issue at hand. Just because you've never seen a non-human doesn't mean that they don't exist, just that you don't have first hand knowledge of their existence. I'd say that it's a fair bet to assume that most of you believe in the existence of beings of which you have no first hand knowledge (aliens, vampires, God or what have you). And I never claimed to be fully non-human did I? It's completely logical to assume that at some past date non-huimans interbred with the standard human stock, incorporating their DNA into the gene pool, eventually ceasing to exist as a completely separate species.
My theory is sounding a little more plausible, isn't it? You're finding yourself starting to wonder if maybe I'm on to something? I thought so. I'll just continue then.
If we assume that certain of my unusual attributes are the result of latent non-human genes at work (namely a certain unease in human company, extremely large stature, copius amounts of body and facial hair and a Wolverine like healing factor), then the question is that of determining the source of said attributes.
Upon careful examination of the information at my disposal, the nearest determination I can make is that I'm a berserker.
A berserker, you say? What's a berserker?
I'm glad you asked. A berserker is a mythical Norse warrior who, when in battle, would go into an uncontrollable rage, becoming nearly impossible to kill, and occasionally transforming into an animal (much like a werebeast, or a skin walker), usually a wolf or bear.
I know, you're saying, "but weren't beserkers just normal warriors who ingested some sort of psychoactive substance, which let them push past normal human limits of pain, and sanity?"
That's an excellent question, even if it is based on a false premise. The idea that the berserkers were just normal human beings who'd ingested some sort of "magic mushrooms" or something is just a theory posited by modern scientists that are completely unwilling to accept the simple truth of the original legends. The idea of the unstoppable man-beast of the north is so far out of their experience that they had to make up a story to make it conform to their world view. It's a total fallacy, but one that's understandable from their point of view. It's just a shame that those with closed minds have managed to convince everyone else of their lies.
Let's just look at the evidence present in my own case. Huge.....check, extremely hairy.....check, occasional bouts of uncontrollable anger.....check (but I'm getting better about it), confirmed Scandinavian heritage.....check, ridiculous healing speed.....check, not fitting in amongst normal humans (hereafter norms).....check. Throw some animal skins on my back, and a iron hand to hand weapon in my hand and you've got pretty much everything you need to say that I'm a berserker. It's a logical conclusion. Either that or I'm just weirder than the norms.
comedy,
gradually growing insanity,
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Family,
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009 at 12:00PM
So since the last time I felt like writing I've seen a whole string of films, most of which I'm not going to write full reviews on, at least unless I see them again, which for most of them probably won't happen.
Knowing takes a somewhat decent premise, of children being mysteriously communicated to, and predicting future events, and manages to wring all interest out of it with some truly terrible execution. Every performance in the film is truly terrible. Nicholas Cage is at his very worst, and even someone I find to be quite charming, Rose Byrne, is belting out terrible stuff to the cheap seats. The twist at the end is at least moderately interesting, but not nearly enough to save the film. Grade: D
The follow up to Borat, Brüno, is not nearly as insightful, or as hilarious as its predecessor. It's attempts at satirizing American homophobia don't land, though it does have some interesting insights into celebrity culture, and the quest for fame.; A great performance from Sacha Baron Cohen, who seemingly never breaks character isn't enough to make the film anything more than just a quite amusing distraction. Grade: C+
After seemingly an eternity of production and release delays we finally got to see Fanboys, and it was ultimately kind of disappointing. Instead of the hilarious look into fan culture, and what makes people fanboys, we just got a pretty standard road trip film. There are some amusing moments, and it's nice to see Jay Baruchel, and Kristen Bell (especially Kristen Bell) with some major screen time in the film, but it really isn't all that good. I particularly disliked Seth Rogen's parts in the film. I'm normally a fan, but found both of his characters to be extremely one dimensional, and not at all funny. Grade: C-
A much more interesting look at a certain subset of fan is Second Skin, a documentary about MMORPG players (specifically World of Warcraft and Everquest 2). It was available for free streaming online, and I had to take a look at it while it was there. I found it to be fairly insightful, if a little too forgiving towards the gamers. We get to see how an obsession with online gaming effects the lives of an entire group of people, often in negative ways. It's a decent documentary that's worth checking out. Grade: B-
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nicholas cage,
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rogen,
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Friday, June 19, 2009 at 02:45PM Director Todd Phillips' career has been all over the place, ranging from hilariously great (Old School) to completely terrible (School for Scoundrels) with a whole lot of mediocre mixed in (Starsky and Hutch, Roadtrip). So it's hard to know what to expect going into one of his films. But I would have to say that The Hangover is definitely closer to the hilarious side.
Three groomsmen, too cool for school dick Phil (Bradley Cooper), whipped, uptight dentist Stu (Ed Helms) and odd, possibly mentally deranged, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) take their soon to married friend Doug (Justin Bartha) to Las Vegas for one last night of fun before the wedding. Only when they wake up in the morning they can't remember anything that happened, and Doug just happens to be missing, along with one of Stu's teeth. But they've managed to pick up a baby, and a tiger, along the way. They have to piece together what happened, find Doug and get back in time for the wedding. All while coping with a wicked hangover.
The plot of The Hangover is not especially complex, or really even that interesting, but it gives the characters, and the actors, a lot of room to work. They're put in situations that inevitably lead to humor. They don't learn, or grow, but they are pretty dang funny.
It's nice to see actors that normally only get to work in supporting roles get a chance to shine. Usually these three guys (Cooper, Helms, and Galifianakis) are just comic relief, or a little side characters that isn't especially important. I've been a fan of Bradley Cooper's since Alias and Kitchen Confidential. He's perfectly cast in the role of a guy who really isn't all that likable. If you met him in real life you'd probably think he was kind of a dick. But really it's Helms and Galifianakis that steal the show.
Helms plays his character to his utmost, even going so far as to have a crown removed, leaving his gap-toothed grin. He's the very picture of the uptight, straitlaced guy who when he's a little inebriated becomes a complete wild man. His stress, energy and presence are the heart of the film. But the biggest laughs belong to Zach Galifianakis. He's completely unpredictable, taking chances that any sane person would never even go for. It's a pretty bold performance that should hopefully get him work for years to come. Make sure you stay through the credits to see the most shocking, and possibly hilarious part from Galifianakis.
It isn't just the main cast that bring the laughs though. Jeffery Tambor, Heather Graham, Mike Epps and Rob Riggle are pretty hilarious in small parts. Mike Tyson's cameo is just plain funny, and Ken Jeong may just be the funniest part of the entire movie, as he often is.
The Hangover isn't the smartest, most complex, or best movie in the world, but I sure had a good time with it. So I'd recommend it for that, and for some great comedic performances, if you're not easily offended (it earns its R rating).
Grade: B
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Movies
Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 10:00AM
It seems that most days I wake up with an entire list of things to do. Most of which I later toss aside, ignore, or otherwise don't complete. So I thought that maybe it'd help if I wrote the list down, in chronological order.
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Sunday, May 10, 2009 at 02:06PM 2 videos of the week this week. This first one is the guys from Star Trek responding to the fans on Saturday Night Live. Promise this will be the end of the Star Trek content for a while.
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Video of the Week
Sunday, May 10, 2009 at 01:46PM
Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'
The Onion's fake news segments are genius. This one really made me laugh. It's funny because it's true.
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Video of the Week
Wednesday, May 6, 2009 at 06:31PM
I wrote a review of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home less than a year ago, so instead of doing that again, I'm presenting a list of things that I learned from watching it for the umpteenth time.
See, you should really watch Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. It's just plain educational.
Sunday, March 22, 2009 at 07:01PM I would love it if someone took this trailer for a horror version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and actually turned it into a feature. It stars Christopher Lloyd as a terrifying version of Willy Wonka.
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Video of the Week