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      Script Frenzy

      Entries in comedy (76)

      Sunday
      Nov292009

      VOTW: Muppets' Bohemian Rhapsody

      Hi-frickin'-larious. No need to say more.

      Friday
      Aug212009

      I'm a Berserker

      It's entirely possible that I'm not entirely human.  I'm not saying that I'm some sort of horrible creature out of myth and legend, but merely that there's some non-human DNA in the mix somewhere.  It's the only explanation for the seemingly lack of connection between myself and the rest of the human race.  That, and the inexplicably large amounts of hair that seem to cover my entire body.  Let's face it, I'm a hairy, hairy, not entirely humanlike creature.

      I've anticipated your argument, so let me just get it out of the way, and refute it before it even comes out.  First you're going to tell me that there's no such thing as werewolves, or other non-human creatures.  Which on the surface is an entirely reasonable assumption to make.  Pity that it's entirely wrong, and not exactly pertinent to the issue at hand.  Just because you've never seen a non-human doesn't mean that they don't exist, just that you don't have first hand knowledge of their existence.  I'd say that it's a fair bet to assume that most of you believe in the existence of beings of which you have no first hand knowledge (aliens, vampires, God or what have you).  And I never claimed to be fully non-human did I?  It's completely logical to assume that at some past date non-huimans interbred with the standard human stock, incorporating their DNA into the gene pool, eventually ceasing to exist as a completely separate species.

      My theory is sounding a little more plausible, isn't it?  You're finding yourself starting to wonder if maybe I'm on to something?  I thought so.  I'll just continue then.

      If we assume that certain of my unusual attributes are the result of latent non-human genes at work (namely a certain unease in human company, extremely large stature,  copius amounts of body and facial hair and a Wolverine like healing factor), then the question is that of determining the source of said attributes.

      Upon careful examination of the information at my disposal, the nearest determination I can make is that I'm a berserker.

      A berserker, you say?  What's a berserker?

      I'm glad you asked.  A berserker is a mythical Norse warrior who, when in battle, would go into an uncontrollable rage, becoming nearly impossible to kill, and occasionally transforming into an animal (much like a werebeast, or a skin walker), usually a wolf or bear.

      I know, you're saying, "but weren't beserkers just normal warriors who ingested some sort of psychoactive substance, which let them push past normal human limits of pain, and sanity?"

      That's an excellent question, even if it is based on a false premise.  The idea that the berserkers were just normal human beings who'd ingested some sort of "magic mushrooms" or something is just a theory posited by modern scientists that are completely unwilling to accept the simple truth of the original legends.  The idea of the unstoppable man-beast of the north is so far out of their experience that they had to make up a story to make it conform to their world view.  It's a total fallacy, but one that's understandable from their point of view.  It's just a shame that those with closed minds have managed to convince everyone else of their lies.

      Let's just look at the evidence present in my own case.  Huge.....check, extremely hairy.....check, occasional bouts of uncontrollable anger.....check (but I'm getting better about it), confirmed Scandinavian heritage.....check, ridiculous healing speed.....check, not fitting in amongst normal humans (hereafter norms).....check.  Throw some animal skins on my back, and a iron hand to hand weapon in my hand and you've got pretty much everything you need to say that I'm a berserker.  It's a logical conclusion.  Either that or I'm just weirder than the norms.

      Tuesday
      Aug182009

      While I've Been Away....

      So since the last time I felt like writing I've seen a whole string of films, most of which I'm not going to write full reviews on, at least unless I see them again, which for most of them probably won't happen.

      Knowing

      Knowing takes a somewhat decent premise, of children being mysteriously communicated to, and predicting future events, and manages to wring all interest out of it with some truly terrible execution.  Every performance in the film is truly terrible.  Nicholas Cage is at his very worst, and even someone I find to be quite charming, Rose Byrne, is belting out terrible stuff to the cheap seats.  The twist at the end is at least moderately interesting, but not nearly enough to save the film.  Grade: D

      Brüno

      The follow up to Borat, Brüno, is not nearly as insightful, or as hilarious as its predecessor.  It's attempts at satirizing American homophobia don't land, though it does have some interesting insights into celebrity culture, and the quest for fame.;  A great performance from Sacha Baron Cohen, who seemingly never breaks character isn't enough to make the film anything more than just a quite amusing distraction.  Grade: C+

      Fanboys

      After seemingly an eternity of production and release delays we finally got to see Fanboys, and it was ultimately kind of disappointing.  Instead of the hilarious look into fan culture, and what makes people fanboys, we just got a pretty standard road trip film.  There are some amusing moments, and it's nice to see Jay Baruchel, and Kristen Bell (especially Kristen Bell) with some major screen time in the film, but it really isn't all that good.  I particularly disliked Seth Rogen's parts in the film.  I'm normally a fan, but found both of his characters to be extremely one dimensional, and not at all funny.  Grade: C-

      Second Skin

      A much more interesting look at a certain subset of fan is Second Skin, a documentary about MMORPG players (specifically World of Warcraft and Everquest 2).  It was available for free streaming online, and I had to take a look at it while it was there.  I found it to be fairly insightful, if a little too forgiving towards the gamers.  We get to see how an obsession with online gaming effects the lives of an entire group of people, often in negative ways.  It's a decent documentary that's worth checking out.  Grade: B-

      Sunday
      Jun212009

      VOTW: Buffy Meets Edward

      Just the way I'd have it turn out.

      Friday
      Jun192009

      The Hangover

      The Hangover

      Director Todd Phillips' career has been all over the place, ranging from hilariously great (Old School) to completely terrible (School for Scoundrels) with a whole lot of mediocre mixed in (Starsky and Hutch, Roadtrip).  So it's hard to know what to expect going into one of his films.  But I would have to say that The Hangover is definitely closer to the hilarious side.

      Three groomsmen, too cool for school dick Phil (Bradley Cooper), whipped, uptight dentist Stu (Ed Helms) and odd, possibly mentally deranged, Alan (Zach Galifianakis) take their soon to married friend Doug (Justin Bartha) to Las Vegas for one last night of fun before the wedding.  Only when they wake up in the morning they can't remember anything that happened, and Doug just happens to be missing, along with one of Stu's teeth.  But they've managed to pick up a baby, and a tiger, along the way.  They have to piece together what happened, find Doug and get back in time for the wedding.  All while coping with a wicked hangover.

      The plot of The Hangover is not especially complex, or really even that interesting, but it gives the characters, and the actors, a lot of room to work.  They're put in situations that inevitably lead to humor.  They don't learn, or grow, but they are pretty dang funny.

      It's nice to see actors that normally only get to work in supporting roles get a chance to shine.  Usually these three guys (Cooper, Helms, and Galifianakis) are just comic relief, or a little side characters that isn't especially important.  I've been a fan of Bradley Cooper's since Alias and Kitchen Confidential.  He's perfectly cast in the role of a guy who really isn't all that likable.  If you met him in real life you'd probably think he was kind of a dick.  But really it's Helms and Galifianakis that steal the show.

      Helms plays his character to his utmost, even going so far as to have a crown removed, leaving his gap-toothed grin.  He's the very picture of the uptight, straitlaced guy who when he's a little inebriated becomes a complete wild man.  His stress, energy and presence are the heart of the film.  But the biggest laughs belong to Zach Galifianakis.  He's completely unpredictable, taking chances that any sane person would never even go for.  It's a pretty bold performance that should hopefully get him work for years to come.  Make sure you stay through the credits to see the most shocking, and possibly hilarious part from Galifianakis.

      It isn't just the main cast that bring the laughs though.  Jeffery Tambor, Heather Graham, Mike Epps and Rob Riggle are pretty hilarious in small parts.  Mike Tyson's cameo is just plain funny, and Ken Jeong may just be the funniest part of the entire movie, as he often is.

      The Hangover isn't the smartest, most complex, or best movie in the world, but I sure had a good time with it.  So I'd recommend it for that, and for some great comedic performances, if you're not easily offended (it earns its R rating).

      Grade: B

      Thursday
      May142009

      What I plan to do today

      It seems that most days I wake up with an entire list of things to do.  Most of which I later toss aside, ignore, or otherwise don't complete.  So I thought that maybe it'd help if I wrote the list down, in chronological order.

      1. Wake up.  This doesn't appear to be an especially difficult task to complete, but it usually is.  Something about having a hard time falling asleep in the first place.
      2. Lie in bed, trying to decide if it's worth getting out or not.  Easy to consider, hard to do.
      3. Put on my glasses.  Because without them I'm entirely blind instead of only half blind (Thanks corneal defect!)
      4. Don't eat breakfast.  I've decided to give up trying to force myself to eat it.  It's just against my nature.
      5. Relieve urinary discomfort.  You know you do it too.
      6. Solve that whole situation in the Middle East.  I just keep on putting it off, so it just hasn't happened yet.  I have some crackerjack ideas, but just haven't buckled down and applied myself.
      7. Dance break!
      8. Ponder my own existence.
      9. Refuse to accept said existence.
      10. Question said refusal.
      11. Accept previously said existence.
      12. Refuse to accept previously said acceptance of previously said existence.
      13. Continue joke long past the point where it could possibly be funny.
      14. Laundry.  I imagine I could do some.  But I do have an overactive imagination.
      15. Stretch.  Up to this point I've been spending the day hunched over like a 95 year old coal miner.  But this stretch will do wonders for me.  I'll just be hunched over like a 70 year old coal miner.  And there's another stretch coming up later.  Wahoo!
      16. Probably tweet something about previously mentioned series of terrible jokes. LOL! (On behalf of myself, my family, and the Boston Red Sox organization [which I am in no way affiliated with {at the moment}] I would like to apologize for my use of lol.  I was young, and everyone was making using lol.  I just fell into a culture of lol.  I'm sorry.)
      17. Stop writing parenthetical statements (like this!), especially within other parenthetical statements.  It's just annoying.
      18. Read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.  Or at least the Pride and Zombies parts of it.  We don't have prejudice in post-Obama America.  Yes We Can!
      19. Look at this list to see if I've been doing it.  Realize that I haven't, and come with some excuses.  Realize that no one read it, so change it to reflect what I actually did.  Ret-con mwuhahahah!
      20. Consider shaving my hair and beard so that it looks like I have a beard on the top of my head, and a full head of hair on my face.  Just because it'd be awesome.
      21. Think about the past.
      22. Complete mental breakdown.
      23. Realize that the head beard idea is stupid.
      24. Or is it?
      25. Yeah it is.
      26. Dance break number 2!  This time it's Latin dance.  Meaning that all dances are from ancient Rome.  Toga! Toga! Toga!
      27. Realize that it's almost noon, maybe I should bathe before work.
      28. Take a bath.  With nudity.  That's right, my day will be R rated.  [evil laugh here]
      29. Should I comb my hair? It is starting to get long enough that maybe I should.  But it'd be a shame to break the streak of not combing it for 12 years.
      30. Get dressed.  I have a feeling that it's going to be "Vampire Defense Kit" shirt day.
      31. Strike 29 and 30.  Reverse them.
      32. Laugh at the suggestion of putting product in my hair.  That'd be a fruitless quest.  My hair inhales all products within an hour and spits them back with Magnum force.
      33. Hmmmm....Magnum....do you think I could pull of the Magnum P.I. 'stache?  I figure I could.
      34. But would I want to?  I don't think so.
      35. Second tweet of the day.  "Considered Magnum PI stache this morning.  Would look awesome, right? LOL"
      36. Tweeters remorse.  Never should have sent that one out.
      37. Time to check the mail.  It's the mail, it never fails, it makes me want to wag my tail, it's the mail, yes it's the mail, maaiilllll!
      38. Come to the realization that I just sang that Blues Clues song.
      39. Shake fist in mock anger at Steve Burns.
      40. Call up John Edwards and his wife, see if I can patch them up.
      41. Hang up when I realize that I don't know them, or how to reach them.
      42. Look at my phone in disappointment (daily occurrence for 9 months and counting!)
      43. Lunch time.  Food yet to be determined.  So we'll say something fancy and expensive.  Instead of the cheap and trashy that is more likely.
      44. Challenge everyone within shouting distance to a duel.  Whereupon I will "Aaron Burr" you.
      45. Time for work! Yeah.
      46. Argue with old man.
      47. Ponder existence.
      48. Argue with old man.
      49. Contemplate continuing.
      50. Argue with old man.
      51. Realize that I'm talking to myself.
      52. Continue argument.
      53. Interview for a new position.
      54. Cure cancer.
      55. Wonder what your name is.
      56. Don't find it out.
      57. Domestic duties.
      58. Wash, rinse repeat above until 10 pm.
      59. Leave my place of employment, feel that a burden has been lifted.
      60. Crushing realization that the burden wasn't actually lifted.
      61. Arrive at home.
      62. It's the weekend for me!
      63. Oh yeah, I don't really like the weekend that much either.
      64. Dinner time.  About the equivalent of lunch.
      65. Think about trying to sleep.
      66. Fail miserably at the above.
      67. Repeat all of the above ad nauseum.
      Sunday
      May102009

      VOTW: Star Trek Visits SNL

      2 videos of the week this week.  This first one is the guys from Star Trek responding to the fans on Saturday Night Live.  Promise this will be the end of the Star Trek content for a while.

      Sunday
      May102009

      VOTW: Trekkies Blast New Film As 'Fun, Watchable'


      Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

      The Onion's fake news segments are genius.  This one really made me laugh.  It's funny because it's true.

      Wednesday
      May062009

      What I Learned from Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

      I wrote a review of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home less than a year ago, so instead of doing that again, I'm presenting a list of things that I learned from watching it for the umpteenth time.

      • James T. Kirk can get ladies of anytime, anywhere.  It doesn't even matter what species.  The man is the James Bond of the stars.  So sorry, Dr. Gillian Taylor, even though you traveled into the future with Admiral Kirk, count on being tossed aside in time for the next movie.
      • Kirk does not like Michelob.  In fact, he looks at it funny.  He's more of a Romulan ale sort of guy.
      • Starfleet Academy is apparently still using Hueys to train their pilots in the 23rd century.  Or Sulu just messed around with them in his spare time.  Seems a bit dated, doesn't it?  Sort of like training modern soldiers to use weapons from the U.S. War of Independence.
      • It's ok to change the past as long as it's for a good reason (like stealing whales to save the Earth), or if you aren't 100 percent certain that you are changing it (ahem, Scotty and the transparent aluminum).
      • People will applaud when you assault someone on a public bus.  But only if the victim is playing obnoxious music on a boombox.
      • People will notice if you walk around in a robe, swim with whales, and constantly call your friend Admiral.
      • But they won't notice a cloaked ship in the middle of Golden Gate Park, even if it leaves gigantic depressions on the grass.
      • It probably isn't the best idea, if your traveling to 1980s San Francisco, to have your officer with a thick Russian accent ask people on the street where the "nuclear wessels" are.  I'm just saying.
      • If you insist on doing so, please make sure that he isn't captured.  Poor Chekov's brain is fragile.  But no one will ask questions as long as you kind of look like a doctor.
      • To discuss death, one must first have died.  If this doesn't apply to you, then you're out of luck.
      • The correct usage of more colorful metaphors is required knowledge for any forays into the past.  Make sure you've boned up on your swears!
      • Time travel looks kind of cheap, and weird, but not anything at all what you'd expect time travel to actually look like.
      • Heavy handed environmental messages always go down better with a little bit of humor.

      See, you should really watch Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.  It's just plain educational.

      Sunday
      Mar222009

      VOTW: Gobstopper

      I would love it if someone took this trailer for a horror version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and actually turned it into a feature.  It stars Christopher Lloyd as a terrifying version of Willy Wonka.